Love's Blinded Fool
By: DrummaRico
aka - The Love Doctor
Love can be cruel
In the hands of a fool
In inexperienced hands, a tool
That'll leave a heart for the breakin
Never mistaken
Turns the world into forsaken
Shadows
That leave us blind
Lost in the wilderness within our mind
Where she resides...
Where my love must hide
In order to protect
The heart, that only her love, could resurrect
It seems almost suspect
To be granted such an emotion
That can leave the body in such commotion
A war
Where the heart and the mind
On the issue, they are torn
And the soul...
Day to day, more and more worn
For it is this lack of love that leaves him to be in mourn
In sleepless nights and slow-moving days
It waits
This love; this pain
This insanity to, once again, become sane
And much like the rain
It fills the pools of the scattered love that remained
I'm thinkin and missin
I'm hopin and wishin
Forsaken in this love that I can't be dismissin
Blinded...
Cause I can't make sense of wrong or right
Keeps me in the dark searchin for light
And, yet, it won't give up the fight
Knowing that “true love” is still with in sight
With the one that still holds my heart so tight
Within her hands...
Oh, how I could bend at the will of her command
To fulfill each demand
Finding such a peace in the reward of knowing that she will understand...
Just how much, for her, this heart beats
How, despite intuition, the love doesn't retreat
Never admitting defeat
From the only love that ever made me feel so complete
Yes, this fool...
That holds, with inexperienced hands, this tool
That could mend his heart once again
Longs for becoming more than “just a friend”
To speak of “forever” instead of “the end”
But only she has that power that could make the hurt bend
For one's will without the other
Only leaves another
Hole...
In place of what should be whole
And until her hand allows mine to hold
This story can only be dreamt and not told
For it would be bold
To say, without her permission, that she is mine
Although, I wish that she would be every night
Every time...
Her face crosses my mind
So as I sit here with closed eyes
So that this beauty, I can find
I am reminded
That opening my eyes is useless for I have been blinded
By the tool
Inexperienced hands; this fool
Awaits for renewal
For his “Preciosa” jewel
For her love
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
"When Harry Met Sally" -- Revisited
Billy Crystal of "When Harry Met Sally" said it best, "No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her."
Meg Ryan continues, "So you saying that a man CAN be friends with a woman he finds UNattractive."
Billy Crystal, "No. You pretty much want to nail them, too."
lol. Great movie
Just what IS "friendship"?? The dictionary defines it as:
–noun
1. the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.
2. a friendly relation or intimacy.
3. friendly feeling or disposition.
Doesn't really answer the question, does it?? It's like a political answer (at least to me). So I thought... "Okay... what is a 'friend'??"
Here's what they said:
-noun
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
see also: acquaintance, ally, and associate (there were more, but these were the ones I found myself focuing on the most.)
I have gotten into many arguments years ago because of this issue with my women "friends". Now... I will take into consideration that I was, most definitely, a lot more shy back then, and just couldn't seem to sum up the courage enough to just plainly say, "I like you... will you go out with me sometime?". It was because of my hesitation that I found myself getting angry because they weren't looking my way; and, yet, would take it out on them as if they "lead me on". To those women, if they are reading, I apologize.
But for those that I have addressed in the more recent years; namely the ones that I would straight up tell them, "Sorry... I wasn't looking to be 'just friends'... I have enough women friends." and then proceeded to move on in my life, why are you so mad about my honesty?? Did you really expect some kind of "friendship"?? Is that what you expect from ALL men; or was it just something you wanted from me?? No matter what the reason was... ... I was attracted to you. And because of that, there was no way that a 100% platonic frienship was in the making. I was always going to want more; you, probably, weren't going to ever give me that chance or look at me in that sense... ... so why go through the trouble, right??
It is an unfortunate, but true, fact. Men and women just cannot be friends.
Sorry... ... correction... ... SINGLE men and women cannot be "just friends" because an attraction is bound to occur within one or the other. I know, I know... ... I can feel those of you already shaking your head, and hear all of your thoughts saying, "No way... not true. I have a LOT of men/women friends, and they are JUST FRIENDS." To those of you that DO have men or women that are "just friends"... let me just take a little bit to examine why that is, alright?
If you have a male/female friend who is "just a friend", I ask you this: Do either of you -- your "friend" or yourself -- have a current relationship?? If you answered, "Yes"... it is BECAUSE of that minor detail that you are "just friends". Either they or you are already focused the sexual tension on the boyfriend/girlfriend that you or they are with. The one IN the relationship doesn't have to worry about whether they look good around the other... they don't think about whether or not the other likes them. They have the one they want to be with, and that's it.
And if you're still shaking your head... ... it's probably YOU with the relationship, and are just choosing not to believe that there are any kind of emotions within your friend towards you; and if this is the case, I challenge you to just be up front with them. Ask them point blank... "Do you or have you had any kind of feelings of attraction towards me?". Because I can all but guarantee that if you were to break up with your boyfriend tomorrow... somebody -- one of your "friends" -- would make their true, hidden feelings for you shown.
But back to the topic at hand... ...
For the single women out there... ... men are pretty simple creatures. We will never do anyhing out of our way if we didn't think we were going to get something from it in the long run. Women can do that, though. If we need an ear to confide in, help with some random task/problem... or a ride because we're drunk at 2am... ... women can jump at the opportunity to be there without an agenda behind it. They can take to the task, and it can be construed as you "being nice". Men, however... ... we're never "just nice".
We're always looking for that golden opportunity. No, it's not always just to take advantage and have sex. It's just the opportunity to get closer to you... maybe even get a drunken/consoling kiss, if we can. But that's men. I have to admit... ... and you can ask any one of the female friends that I DO have... I'm one of the most fiercest friends that they know, and one that is always there in a pinch WITHOUT any intentions of gaining any kind of special access to them. While my honesty may be taken as "rude" or "mean" at times... ... I'll always remain, to them, one of the nicest guys they've ever met. That being said... ... I have, in the past, resorted to this maneuver of gaining trust and access to women that I had an attraction towards while they were at their most vulnerable state.
I know, I know... ... not something I brag about; but definitely something to share with all of you because of my experience. The point is... ... single ladies... ... men are never "just nice". We're looking for something. Whether it's a date, a kiss, or the ultimate taking advantage of (sex)... we're just looking for an opportunity.
Here's the ONLY 2 times when a man and a woman CAN be friends... ...
1) When the man/woman (either you or them) is already in a relationship, and there is NO attraction. Not just from the single person... from the one in the relationship as well.
2) When BOTH male and female "friends" are in relationships. This rule, however, has consequences; but I'll be getting to that a bit later.
I'm going to use myself in these examples. It's just too hard keeping track of "you", "they", and "your friend", "your or their boyfriend/girlfriend". lol.
If I'm single and meet someone who has a boyfriend and have an attraction... there can be no friendship. I am always going to be looking for an opportunity for when they break up. And, if I'm the player-type... I'll be looking to break them up sooner by trying to convince them they're in a bad relationship.
If I'm single and meet someone who has a boyfriend and THEY have an attraction to me... ... the "friendship" can never occur because THEY are going to be the ones looking for the opportunity to get out of their relationship in order to see how the road goes with me. Now, I can give the woman the benefit of the doubt, and say that she would never cheat on her boyfriend... ... at least, not in a physical sense. However; she has already cheated mentally and emotionally. I say this because her mind would, probably, already be focused outside of the relationship she's in, and focused on the one she wants to start up. This is the mentally cheating. She'd be emotionally cheating because she's already detatched herself from the emotions of her current boyfriend. Sure... she could "love" him in the sense that he's a good guy an she likes his company, but the inimate connection would no longer be there; and giving that kind of time and attention towards someone outside of the relationship. Even something as simple as conversation... ... spending time talking with someone else instead of your boyfriend/girlfriend is allowing yourself to be open and intimate with another person.
All of this, of course, would happen the same way if the roles were flipped. If I were the one with a girlfriend, and they had an attraction towards me -- or vice versa -- the "friendship" could never occur; and my relationship would be in some kind of jeopardy. If a friendship is to work there has to be NO attraction between the two... no matter which one is in the relationship.
This next point is the ONLY legitimate way for men and women to be platonic friends... ... and that's when they are BOTH in commited relationships. When both are in relationships, there's no wondering "if they do or don't like me"... there's no vying for, even, the smallest amount of attention... no need for conversations that detour outside of the friendship boundaries (i.e.: personal information about each other's relationship, personal favorites -- colors, food, movies, etc., and other information already being shared between the relationships you're involved in). You both know where the line is drawn, and both know that any kind of one-on-one encounter (being drinks, dinner, or a movie) is OUT OF THE QUESTION. Your boyfriend knows about me, and my girlfriend knows about you. But, again... like I had state before... there is a consequence even to this "friendship".
While loyal men and women may be able to determine where the line should be drawn... that line could've been pushed further back by the person you're with; and, more often that not, it's the one we're in a relationship with that won't understand the need for having this "friendship". No matter how much you can try to explain... if they're not liking the comradery... then it's time to cut one or the other loose. And, maybe, my girlfriend or your boyfriend might be understanding enough to just say, "You know... I don't like you talking to them all the time. Please cut it down." Instead of, "You need to stop it with them".
While you may have the friendship of the opposite sex, we both know that it wouldn't be worth ruining an intimate relationship you or I have built with our boyfriend/girlfriend. And all this does is lead us back to the early rule:
Men and women, simply, cannot be friends. It's sexual tension, or it's potential relationship disaster... ... it's men trying to be opportunists... or women cheating emotionally and mentally. And, while, someone you truly love -- that truly loves you -- would never make you choose between them or your "friend"... ... we both know which is the lesser of two evils. lol.
So... ... after going through all these rules... ... here's my personal take on it; and how I conduct my relationship versing friendshis; as well as, how I would HOPE my girlfriend conduct the same kind of morality to it... ...
I have many women that I'm in contact with. Whether they be from high school, college, or work... ... these are women that I like talking to, that I might or might not be attracted to... that I might've had, even, a relationship with in the past... ... whatever the case may be. If I met a woman tomorrow, make a connection, and become totally commited into that realtionship... ... I will no longer be looking to make any "friend" with the opposite sex. The women that I have on Facebook are all the women friends I need... ... some of them, possibly deleted so as to resist any kind of temptation. But from that moment on... no more "making friends". There would just be no point to it anymore.
As for my girlfriend... I wouldn't mind any men in her life being friends from her past. They were her friends before I had come into the picture, and she, nor I, should be faulted for that. But making a male friend AFTER I come along??? It would just signal to me that I'm, possibly, not fulfilling an aspect of the relationhip that she's looking for in this "friend" -- and, of course, vice versa.
But this is just me. And you can agree or disagree. I'm sure you have your own methods for dealing with "friends" and "friends" of your boyfriend/girlfriend; but before I part this evening, I would like to leave you with a few closing thoughts...
Whoever thought that a mere "friendship" could be so complicated?? Attraction, tension... rules, morality... ... it can definitely cause a lot of unwanted stress in ones life. Those of you looking to be an opportunist with someone you're interested in... ... trying to hint your emotions for them without causing yourself emotional harm, or (if they're in a relationship) being blunt to just say, "You should be with me, instead"... ... just how long are you willing to play that role?? When do you look at the situation and just say, "The time, energy, and effort I've made in my advances with this guy/girl just keep going unheard and un-noticed... time to move on"??? How long do you wait??
It's never an easy task to drop your feelings for someone and start from scratch all over again... but, sometimes, it is neccessary for your own personal sanity. So be careful about being caught up in this scenario... and trust your instincts to know when you need to leave. I've been caught up on one person for months even YEARS at a time with no progression... all because I was too shy. Now... I just be straight to the point, and if they're not willing to build that connection with me... I move on. Why would we want to torture ourselves by agreeing to be friends, right??
It's about 2am here in my area... so I'll be calling it a night. I'm sure this was a lot to take in so let me just say THANK YOU for reading. I greatly appreciate your support, and would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this topic, and the previous ones.
Till next time... I thank you, again, and hope these words help you in your future relationship endeavors.
Much Love-
The Love Doctor
DrummaRico
Meg Ryan continues, "So you saying that a man CAN be friends with a woman he finds UNattractive."
Billy Crystal, "No. You pretty much want to nail them, too."
lol. Great movie
Just what IS "friendship"?? The dictionary defines it as:
–noun
1. the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.
2. a friendly relation or intimacy.
3. friendly feeling or disposition.
Doesn't really answer the question, does it?? It's like a political answer (at least to me). So I thought... "Okay... what is a 'friend'??"
Here's what they said:
-noun
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
see also: acquaintance, ally, and associate (there were more, but these were the ones I found myself focuing on the most.)
I have gotten into many arguments years ago because of this issue with my women "friends". Now... I will take into consideration that I was, most definitely, a lot more shy back then, and just couldn't seem to sum up the courage enough to just plainly say, "I like you... will you go out with me sometime?". It was because of my hesitation that I found myself getting angry because they weren't looking my way; and, yet, would take it out on them as if they "lead me on". To those women, if they are reading, I apologize.
But for those that I have addressed in the more recent years; namely the ones that I would straight up tell them, "Sorry... I wasn't looking to be 'just friends'... I have enough women friends." and then proceeded to move on in my life, why are you so mad about my honesty?? Did you really expect some kind of "friendship"?? Is that what you expect from ALL men; or was it just something you wanted from me?? No matter what the reason was... ... I was attracted to you. And because of that, there was no way that a 100% platonic frienship was in the making. I was always going to want more; you, probably, weren't going to ever give me that chance or look at me in that sense... ... so why go through the trouble, right??
It is an unfortunate, but true, fact. Men and women just cannot be friends.
Sorry... ... correction... ... SINGLE men and women cannot be "just friends" because an attraction is bound to occur within one or the other. I know, I know... ... I can feel those of you already shaking your head, and hear all of your thoughts saying, "No way... not true. I have a LOT of men/women friends, and they are JUST FRIENDS." To those of you that DO have men or women that are "just friends"... let me just take a little bit to examine why that is, alright?
If you have a male/female friend who is "just a friend", I ask you this: Do either of you -- your "friend" or yourself -- have a current relationship?? If you answered, "Yes"... it is BECAUSE of that minor detail that you are "just friends". Either they or you are already focused the sexual tension on the boyfriend/girlfriend that you or they are with. The one IN the relationship doesn't have to worry about whether they look good around the other... they don't think about whether or not the other likes them. They have the one they want to be with, and that's it.
And if you're still shaking your head... ... it's probably YOU with the relationship, and are just choosing not to believe that there are any kind of emotions within your friend towards you; and if this is the case, I challenge you to just be up front with them. Ask them point blank... "Do you or have you had any kind of feelings of attraction towards me?". Because I can all but guarantee that if you were to break up with your boyfriend tomorrow... somebody -- one of your "friends" -- would make their true, hidden feelings for you shown.
But back to the topic at hand... ...
For the single women out there... ... men are pretty simple creatures. We will never do anyhing out of our way if we didn't think we were going to get something from it in the long run. Women can do that, though. If we need an ear to confide in, help with some random task/problem... or a ride because we're drunk at 2am... ... women can jump at the opportunity to be there without an agenda behind it. They can take to the task, and it can be construed as you "being nice". Men, however... ... we're never "just nice".
We're always looking for that golden opportunity. No, it's not always just to take advantage and have sex. It's just the opportunity to get closer to you... maybe even get a drunken/consoling kiss, if we can. But that's men. I have to admit... ... and you can ask any one of the female friends that I DO have... I'm one of the most fiercest friends that they know, and one that is always there in a pinch WITHOUT any intentions of gaining any kind of special access to them. While my honesty may be taken as "rude" or "mean" at times... ... I'll always remain, to them, one of the nicest guys they've ever met. That being said... ... I have, in the past, resorted to this maneuver of gaining trust and access to women that I had an attraction towards while they were at their most vulnerable state.
I know, I know... ... not something I brag about; but definitely something to share with all of you because of my experience. The point is... ... single ladies... ... men are never "just nice". We're looking for something. Whether it's a date, a kiss, or the ultimate taking advantage of (sex)... we're just looking for an opportunity.
Here's the ONLY 2 times when a man and a woman CAN be friends... ...
1) When the man/woman (either you or them) is already in a relationship, and there is NO attraction. Not just from the single person... from the one in the relationship as well.
2) When BOTH male and female "friends" are in relationships. This rule, however, has consequences; but I'll be getting to that a bit later.
I'm going to use myself in these examples. It's just too hard keeping track of "you", "they", and "your friend", "your or their boyfriend/girlfriend". lol.
If I'm single and meet someone who has a boyfriend and have an attraction... there can be no friendship. I am always going to be looking for an opportunity for when they break up. And, if I'm the player-type... I'll be looking to break them up sooner by trying to convince them they're in a bad relationship.
If I'm single and meet someone who has a boyfriend and THEY have an attraction to me... ... the "friendship" can never occur because THEY are going to be the ones looking for the opportunity to get out of their relationship in order to see how the road goes with me. Now, I can give the woman the benefit of the doubt, and say that she would never cheat on her boyfriend... ... at least, not in a physical sense. However; she has already cheated mentally and emotionally. I say this because her mind would, probably, already be focused outside of the relationship she's in, and focused on the one she wants to start up. This is the mentally cheating. She'd be emotionally cheating because she's already detatched herself from the emotions of her current boyfriend. Sure... she could "love" him in the sense that he's a good guy an she likes his company, but the inimate connection would no longer be there; and giving that kind of time and attention towards someone outside of the relationship. Even something as simple as conversation... ... spending time talking with someone else instead of your boyfriend/girlfriend is allowing yourself to be open and intimate with another person.
All of this, of course, would happen the same way if the roles were flipped. If I were the one with a girlfriend, and they had an attraction towards me -- or vice versa -- the "friendship" could never occur; and my relationship would be in some kind of jeopardy. If a friendship is to work there has to be NO attraction between the two... no matter which one is in the relationship.
This next point is the ONLY legitimate way for men and women to be platonic friends... ... and that's when they are BOTH in commited relationships. When both are in relationships, there's no wondering "if they do or don't like me"... there's no vying for, even, the smallest amount of attention... no need for conversations that detour outside of the friendship boundaries (i.e.: personal information about each other's relationship, personal favorites -- colors, food, movies, etc., and other information already being shared between the relationships you're involved in). You both know where the line is drawn, and both know that any kind of one-on-one encounter (being drinks, dinner, or a movie) is OUT OF THE QUESTION. Your boyfriend knows about me, and my girlfriend knows about you. But, again... like I had state before... there is a consequence even to this "friendship".
While loyal men and women may be able to determine where the line should be drawn... that line could've been pushed further back by the person you're with; and, more often that not, it's the one we're in a relationship with that won't understand the need for having this "friendship". No matter how much you can try to explain... if they're not liking the comradery... then it's time to cut one or the other loose. And, maybe, my girlfriend or your boyfriend might be understanding enough to just say, "You know... I don't like you talking to them all the time. Please cut it down." Instead of, "You need to stop it with them".
While you may have the friendship of the opposite sex, we both know that it wouldn't be worth ruining an intimate relationship you or I have built with our boyfriend/girlfriend. And all this does is lead us back to the early rule:
Men and women, simply, cannot be friends. It's sexual tension, or it's potential relationship disaster... ... it's men trying to be opportunists... or women cheating emotionally and mentally. And, while, someone you truly love -- that truly loves you -- would never make you choose between them or your "friend"... ... we both know which is the lesser of two evils. lol.
So... ... after going through all these rules... ... here's my personal take on it; and how I conduct my relationship versing friendshis; as well as, how I would HOPE my girlfriend conduct the same kind of morality to it... ...
I have many women that I'm in contact with. Whether they be from high school, college, or work... ... these are women that I like talking to, that I might or might not be attracted to... that I might've had, even, a relationship with in the past... ... whatever the case may be. If I met a woman tomorrow, make a connection, and become totally commited into that realtionship... ... I will no longer be looking to make any "friend" with the opposite sex. The women that I have on Facebook are all the women friends I need... ... some of them, possibly deleted so as to resist any kind of temptation. But from that moment on... no more "making friends". There would just be no point to it anymore.
As for my girlfriend... I wouldn't mind any men in her life being friends from her past. They were her friends before I had come into the picture, and she, nor I, should be faulted for that. But making a male friend AFTER I come along??? It would just signal to me that I'm, possibly, not fulfilling an aspect of the relationhip that she's looking for in this "friend" -- and, of course, vice versa.
But this is just me. And you can agree or disagree. I'm sure you have your own methods for dealing with "friends" and "friends" of your boyfriend/girlfriend; but before I part this evening, I would like to leave you with a few closing thoughts...
Whoever thought that a mere "friendship" could be so complicated?? Attraction, tension... rules, morality... ... it can definitely cause a lot of unwanted stress in ones life. Those of you looking to be an opportunist with someone you're interested in... ... trying to hint your emotions for them without causing yourself emotional harm, or (if they're in a relationship) being blunt to just say, "You should be with me, instead"... ... just how long are you willing to play that role?? When do you look at the situation and just say, "The time, energy, and effort I've made in my advances with this guy/girl just keep going unheard and un-noticed... time to move on"??? How long do you wait??
It's never an easy task to drop your feelings for someone and start from scratch all over again... but, sometimes, it is neccessary for your own personal sanity. So be careful about being caught up in this scenario... and trust your instincts to know when you need to leave. I've been caught up on one person for months even YEARS at a time with no progression... all because I was too shy. Now... I just be straight to the point, and if they're not willing to build that connection with me... I move on. Why would we want to torture ourselves by agreeing to be friends, right??
It's about 2am here in my area... so I'll be calling it a night. I'm sure this was a lot to take in so let me just say THANK YOU for reading. I greatly appreciate your support, and would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this topic, and the previous ones.
Till next time... I thank you, again, and hope these words help you in your future relationship endeavors.
Much Love-
The Love Doctor
DrummaRico
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