When it is the best time to move on from a relationship?? Some move on from one person to another in a matter of weeks; even days... while, for some, it takes a longer healing process to be able to open their heart again for another.
There's no specific time process to answer the question that I posed, but more of an internal feeling that you have. I'm the kind of person that lives for Love. I treat each relationship as if it were going to be my last; because, who knows, right?? I don't know if I'll marry the person that I'm currently dating right now... but if it's not thia woman, I'm sure going to set such a high standard for her. lol. My belief is... I don't want to hold anythig back. I hate having "what if" scenarios about past relationships in my head.
"What if I had said 'yes' instead of 'no'??"
"What if I took a right instead of left??"
"What if 'this'..."
"What if 'that'..."
I hate those!! Give each relationship a full 100% shot. For when it IS time to let go... you can look back on it sayin yourself, "I gave it everything I had. I can't be mad at myself for not trying."
This is all in moderation, however.
Obviously, when the relationship is new (anywhere between the first month to six months)... there are still things to get to know from the other before fully commiting. Really analyzing the relationship; the person you're with; the points of views... your flaws, their flaws... ... within that first portion of the relationship, it's a growing experience to see if you can even STAND one another to take it to another intimate level.
But getting back to my question...
There are marriages that have gone 20 years and beyond, and they still fall short and end in divorce. Why??? Marriage is the one level that any and all cards should be placed on the table with BOTH people... and if both aren't willing to show their hands; then there's no point in gambling with your heart. One person cannot be there to struggle to make things work... it takes 2.
Lets go on a lower rung of the relationship ladder...
Lets say you're together for 7 years. That's a long time!! Longer than most people get to be together with one person. The average "long-term" relationship lasts, anywhere, between 2 and 4 years. Beyond that, you're beginning to talk about marriage or, at very least, begun living together in the hopes to crossing into that union. While you are just a couple and not "husband and wife"... where is there a line between standing to fight for the relationship and letting go??
Same as marriage, both people have to be willing to work for the relationship; however, unlike marriage, there are even more petty signs to be aware of during the course. Jealousy, lack of intimacy, constant or unneccessary arguing/bickering... ... when the communication seems to have ceased over time... ... that's when things need to be put into perspective. As I've showed in the previous posting... without that communication, a couple cannot hope to stand the test of time for it is the sturdiest foundation for which to build your relationship off of.
A relationship of this length shouldn't have any of the petty problems that I have just mentioned. None. Jealousy is a form of mistrust; and, frankly, why would you be with someone if you find yourself jealous over whom they talk to or why they talk to them?? Why be with someone you don't trust? Lack of intimacy... ... lets face it... women NEED to have some romance in their life. And I know there are guys like me in the world that love to share it with their lovers... ... and without that level of bonding -- which, once again, can be prevented by a solid form of communication -- it forces the other person's hand in seeking out someone that WILL fulfill that desire needed. Arguing/bickering... ... it is actually medically proven that arguing with your loved one is healthy for your body!! Ceratonin (spelling?) is released within the body and helps cleanse various organs and muscle groups. Interesting, right?? Too much, however, raises blood pressure and your stress; which has counter-productive side effects. Arguing happens. No two people in a relationship are perfect; nor are they perfect for one another... ... so disagreements are bound to come into play; but arguing daily about the aforementioned points I've brought up do no good for either person in the relationship.
I used to have a lot of arguements due to my young, jealous nature. I've learned to trust a bit better in my current relationship endeavors... and when I feel like my trust may be taken advantage of, I make sure that it's the first point to be addressed the next time I talk with the person I'm with. It's just a discussion... not an attack of accusation. I want them to understand that I'm feeling a certain way about actions I've seen or just a general feeling that I'm having. And, these days, with all the friends people can have over the various social networks... it's harder than ever to keep a level head about everything. Once I've made my case, however, and we've discussed it in a way that I know there's no "loop hole" (as most people try to look for) to misunderstand it... the next part becomes a, kind of, testing ground to see if they took what I said to heart or if they're going to blow me off and continue to do what they do.
I would never ask someone to stop being who they are... and if the person that I'm with can't consider my feelings and set, at least, attempt to help the relationship along; I'm not going to be mad about that. It's just a simple case of "We're just not meant to be together". Easy... and you move on.
I understand that being in a long-term relationship makes you establish a certain level of comfort within that person... ... I know EXACTLY how hard it is to let it go and attempt to start over; while trying NOT to base your perception of "love" on the relationship you're just getting out of. I, even, understand how settled a person can be within the routine that they're into... ... but is that how you really want to look at the "love" you've built?? More often than not, the reason for divorce is because of people looking back upon their relationship and realizing that they've "settled" instead of gone out for something they've dreamt for and know they deserve.
So when is the best time to move on from a relationship??
1) When all tactics within your disposal have been exhausted. When you feel you have done any and everything, and there is still no sign of change or improvement.
2) When communication and trust is no longer there. Being jealous is another way of saying, "I don't trust you."; and without ANY kind of communication, whether it be intimate or general, leads the person seeking it to finding another that will fulfill their needs/desires. If you find yourself holding back things because you know it will erupt in a fight, you are not able to be yourself. You are not able to express yourself freely, and that's no way to continue.
3) When arguing consumes your relationship. Remember it's healthy to argue, but not at great lengths or great consistancy; and, ESPECIALLY, not in the beginning of the relationship. If you're already arguing within the first months... there's no reason to progress for the rest of the journey will be nothing but drama-filled.
4) When you feel stiffled from lack of progress. While you've lasted a long time, and are comfortable with that person... you're still arguing or having issues about the same problems over and over. The longer the relationship, the less those petty factors/issues should have any kind of hold on EITHER of you. Jealousy should NEVER come up... intimacy should be in full effect... and the only arguement you seem to have is a playful one over who loves who more? Possibly, even, "grown-up" issues like bills, rent/mortgage, and future. But if you feel like you're not going anywhere, and you are probably not with that right person; yet, fear being alone or starting over... ... it's time to just bite the bullet and start over. This is the instance where you must "Set love free... and if it returns to you, it was meant to be."
5) I didn't get to touch on this, but I feel it's a "gimmie". Whenever you are being abused mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Nobody deserves to get put down or beaten in ANY aspect. For the ladies in the Central Valley area... if you are being abused, please tell you man not to let me catch them. I have a VERY... very... low tolerance for that... and if I find out who they are and where they are... they get it back on them ten fold. You can ask my female friends that I've done this for. No, they didn't tell me to do it... I found out for myself, and I took it upon myself to teach a man how to ACT like a man, and not hit women.
As for being mentally, emotionally, and spiritually broken... ... there is always a friendly ear for you here and amongst your friends. We, all, can help. Don't even feel like you're not pretty enough, not smart enough... or just not enough, in general. If someone can't see how amazing you are... especially after being together for so long, then they don't deserve you; and you don't deserve to be treated as such.
All of these reasons take time to sort out amongst yourselves. Most of the time, your boyfriend/girlfriend won't even know that something is wrong... which is why it always starts with communication. Talk it out, and if that doesn't seem to help... take the steps you need in order to make it work for yourself. If they're unwilling to work with you; or things don't begin to change in the way you thought they would; or just not change at all, then it's time to let it go.
Long-term status people... it'll be a bit longer for you since you have so much already invested in it; so all the more reason to try and hold on. But never settle. If you feel there's something better for you out there... odds are, there probably is because you're, obviously, not getting everything you deserve.
Whatever route you choose to follow... be sure you're giving everything a 100% effort into it. Being plagued by "what if" scenarios is not fun. lol
As always, I thank you for reading, and good luck on your future loving endeavors.
The Love Doctor--
DrummaRico
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